


Cadaverous

by Pinstripes



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, grier's having a rough time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-06-25 12:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15640449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinstripes/pseuds/Pinstripes
Summary: Grier struggles with personal demons.





	1. Down the rabbit hole

He swallows down the lump forming in his throat. He wants to scream out, to cry, to weep uncontrollably but he can do nothing but stare out into the inky blackness of the night sky and pull his knees closer into his chest. Avia, Rook and Carver had headed out to help Cayde, Eve was even busier with her students lately. Asher was getting worse by the day and it was hurting Grier to be around him sometimes. He dug his nails into his head, screwing his eyes shut. He couldn’t do this, not alone, but everyone was busy. The young warlock chewed at his lip, tasting blood. There was… one person he could talk to but- no, no he couldn’t fall down that rabbit hole again. Not after last time. 

–

He didn’t know how long he’d spent staring out at the dreadnaught from his ship, minutes? Hours? Ori was hovering quietly by the window, the glow from his lights softly illuminating the dark interior. 

“This isn’t a good idea, Grier.” Orion finally said, turning to look at his guardian. Grier looked haggard and dark purple marks had formed on the side of his face from where he’d scratched into the skin. Grier continued to silently stare out at the dreadnaught, not seeming like he had heard his ghost speak. Ori contemplated contacting Avia or maybe Eve but his loyalty to Grier seemed to get in the way. At least for now. The two sat in silence for a while longer, Grier absentmindedly scratching at the knuckles on his hand. 

“Let’s go find him then.” Grier rasped, voice as tired and weak as he felt. 


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avia returns. Avia belongs to @scarletrebel

As soon as she spots him, Avia near enough sprints towards Grier, turning the warlock around by the shoulder perhaps a little too roughly. At the sight of him her throat tightens. The spark of excitement in his eyes had gone completely and there were harsh red marks around his eyes. He’d been crying. 

“Grier….” Avia breathed. She should never have left him. She should have been here to protect him from his demons. The hunter pulled the taller warlock into a tight hug. He felt so cold and stiff, as though he’d died while she had been away. Though, she thought, perhaps he had. What had happened during the months she was chasing down Uldren? Where had that sweet, happy warlock gone? Or had that been a facade this whole time? Covering up the cracks forming in Grier’s mind. 

“You left me…” He croaked quietly. Avia felt her heart break for him. She released him from the embrace ( that, she noticed, he did not reciprocate ) and placed her hands on either side of his face, studying it, noting the short grey stubble along his jaw, that his hair was more unkempt than she remembered and that there were scratches and bruises peaking out from under his collar. Had he done this to himself? Or was it something…or someone…else? Grier raised a hand to her own cheek. It shook and trembled. He seemed to search her eyes for something. 

“I….missed you.” 


	3. Simulation

Grier sits at the edges of the simulation, watching his past self make the biggest decision of his short post-resurrected life. One of Osiris’ reflections stands beside him, watching over the proceedings like a judge.

“You’ve watched this simulation 27 times now.” The reflection states. It doesn’t look at him. He feels the weight of Osiris’ disapproval. “What is it that you’re trying to get from this?”

Grier doesn’t reply. He just stares on as simulation Toland’s anger rattles around the virtual throne world. Grier tenses, as he does every time. He thinks about the power he turned down, the knowledge of a bloodthirsty old king and the pact he made with Gods. His hands twitch involuntarily. Osiris must notice as the reflection gently places a hand on Grier’s shoulder.

“Do not get wrapped up in Toland’s fantasy. You did the right thing.”

The young warlock says nothing, watching on as his simulated copy cowers and flees. Grier’s hands become fists.

“Play it again.”


	4. Necrochasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I miss Necrochasm every day.

There was a tired stillness to the air. The sun was setting over the dead zone, bathing the lonely beach that he’d hidden himself away on, in dark orange hues. The warlock took a moment to look behind him, making sure he was, truly, alone and noting how the fading light distorted his shadow into something more menacing.

Slowly, Grier held the old gun he’d been clutching out in front of him, turning it gently from side to side to view it’s sharp angles and sickly design. The way he had done when he had first acquired it. Necrochasm. He had been surprised to find it, seeing as the last time he’d seen it was the day before the tower’s fall at the hands of the Cabal. Now it was here. Back in his hands. He tightened his grip protectively. Back where it belonged.

He remembered the first time finding the autorifle. It was just a young thing then, as was he. A connection was made when he had picked it up, he had felt it. It had felt as though the dark force surrounding it had marked him in some way. The guns dreadful glow reflected in his golden eyes. That all too familiar itch settling at the base of his skull. Hunger.


	5. Insomnia

The next time she sees him, he’s wrapping a new set of gauntlets to his arms, prepping for another round of Prime. Florescent green snakes curl possessively around his robes. The soft glow of the design gives Grier’s face an unsettling appearance in the dimly lit corridor the two find themselves in. He looks terrible.

“You’re going back in?”

The dark rings under his eyes let her know he never stopped.

“I’ve got to-” He yawns mid sentence, frowns and starts rubbing at his eyes forcefully, as though irritated at his body’s need for rest.

“Go sleep.”

“I can’t.”

She gives him a look of tired pleading. He doesn’t look at her. The silence stretching on for longer than either of them intended. A secret, unspoken conversation that they’ve had before, in hushed whispers during the dead of night.

_‘You should sleep.’_

_'I can’t.’_

_'Why not?’_

_'I have dreams… nightmares… about Oryx’s throne world. About the assault on the Tower. About not being strong enough to-’_

_'It’s okay, Grier…it’s over now.’_

_'Not when I close my eyes.’_

Grier finally looks at Avia and she wishes she could say something to help him, to protect him from everything that’s ever happened and will ever happen, but she knows from her own experiences that there isn’t any. Instead she takes his hand. He’s warm to the touch, a stark contrast to her own skin’s coldness. The feeling is an anchor for the both of them.

_He’s still here with me, alive. I haven’t lost him. He hasn’t been taken away from me._

_I’m not alone, stuck in my head with thoughts so loud and all encompassing I feel like I’m suffocating._

As he gently places his other hand over hers, she asks if he needs someone to watch his back in Prime. A small flicker of a smile graces his face as he nods.

 

 


End file.
